Friday, October 24, 2014

Our Blog is Hijacked! Sorta. Not Really. Forget I Said Anything.

It's Batman #122, and we're talking like pirates!



No, not really.  But we are having Batman fight alongside a Viking, a Centurion, a Pirate, and... well, I'm not sure who the Asian fellow is.  He kind of showed up later.  All that matters is that it was awesome!



But then along comes Hijack and the awesomeness ends:


Wow.  Get a load of that get-up.  Immediate entrance into the CMNS Costume Hall of Shame (tm!) for you!

And it's not that there are very many guys who can go toe-to-toe with Batman, but this guy clearly wasn't anticipating any resistance.  I guess he thought his opponents would be doubled-over with laughter at his costume and unable to raise a hand against him.

But here's his big play:


Oh, no!  Not a smoke bomb!

Frankly, I'm embarrassed on Batman's behalf that it worked.  Really, Bats?  I realize he's not exactly Killer Croc there, but Hijack is the kind of guy who shouldn't draw any blood on you at all.  Know what I mean?

And then we see that.... oh, just let it happen:


Really?  His name was Jack Spade?  And he chose to establish a secret identity with that motif?  Really?  I'm not sure you get credit for detective work if that's all there was to it.  That's the sort of clue I'd expect to be left for Scooby and the gang.

Ugh.  We'll try it again on Monday!  See you then!

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Lions Charge at Black, Flapping Things! So Sayeth the Batman!

Taking a look at Batman #121, here's a public service announcement what bears repeating:


Now more than ever, libraries simply kick ass.  Not only do they have books, but they also have movies, CD's, graphic novels.... if you haven't been to your library in a while, check it out.  Heck, they probably have a web site.  Support your local library so everyone can enjoy what's out there.

Back to Batman....


Well, it's Batman fighting a lion, so... SCORE!  But I'm not at all sure about what he's saying there.  I got on The Google to see if lions went all catnip on black flapping objects (insert your own tasteless joke here), and I got nothin'.

Anyhoo, this issue had the first appearance of Mr. Freeze.  He was originally known as Mr. Zero:


And frankly, that outfit's color scheme needed some work.  Green and red (the fact that they are traditional Christmas colors notwithstanding) just don't say "Wow, it's cold!"

Note that he also used heat, which is something I think they abandoned pretty quickly.  It didn't make a lot of sense, considering the guy had terrible reactions to anything warm.


Well, if you work in a lab in comics, stuff like that is going to happen.  It just does.

Anyway, when the 1960's Batman tv show came along, the name was changed to Mr. Freeze and it was nothing but smooth sailing for the character from that point forward...


Well, okay.  There was that.  Into every life, a little Schwarzenegger must fall.

See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Bruce Wayne: Co-Dependent

The thing about having a blog for a while is ... well, I forget sometimes that I've gone through certain comics before.  I try to stay organized about it, but then I get a hankering for something new and ... well, it turns out I've gone through a chunk of Batman comics some years back.  Whoops!  How I didn't end up repeating myself, I don't know.

Anyway, it appears that I pooped out around issue #120, so we'll jump to that:


Bruce had a demanding elderly relative who criticized Bruce's life choices.  We have no idea what that's like, do we?  Find me an elderly person who isn't telling everyone else how they should be living their lives.  That would be a story.

Anyway, here's my question:


So, Batman takes down the robot and... that's it.

Excuse me?  Why is Professor Sheckley getting a pass on his rampaging killer robot?  We never find out.  Three-story killer robots are as common as hot dog carts in Metropolis, so I guess we're just supposed to chalk that up to life in Gotham.

Meanwhile, Bruce keeps doing risky things to gain the approval of this old coot (because that's such an emotionally healthy and worthwhile endeavor), and we run into this old device:


What?  Bruce and Batman together?  Madness!

Wait... nope, it's Alfred:


And I'm okay with that, except... that mask Alfred was wearing was a full face-mask, not just a cowl.  I can appreciate that this works from a distance, or chaos has appropriately ensued to distract people, but the man walked into a room full of reporters and had full-on conversations while no one said a thing.  I'm starting to think the journalists in Gotham aren't very good at their jobs.

But this, my friends, was one for the highlight reel:


Yes, there is no more beautiful moment than when you place a firearm in the hand of a child for the first time.  'Murica.

See you tomorrow!

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Batman Respects Your Needs as a Person... Not Just a Person About to Fall Off a Cliff

Let's check out Batman #57:


Hmmmm... that kind of behavior might have been the norm in 1950, but I think that Bats would be asking for trouble these days.  Instead of just grabbing her, there would have to be a clear understanding along the following lines:

Batman: Excuse me, Miss?

Hiker: Oh, thank Heavens you're here, Batman!

Batman: Yes, I saw that you seemed to be having some trouble.  Not that I'm implying you need my help, or that of any man.

Hiker: No, it's fine!  Please help!

Batman: Are you certain?  I don't want you to feel devalued or compromised as an individual.  The last thing I intend to do is to rob you of the self-esteem that can only come from hoisting yourself to safety.

Hiker: Please help!  My hands are getting numb!

Batman: We don't to compromise the long term issue (ie, your feelings of independence and self-worth) for the short term (ie, you falling to your death).  While I acknowledge the strength and bravery inherent in the very act of asking for help, I don't want you to fall prey to society's notion that, as a woman, you require a man's help to... for lack of a better term... "rescue" you.

Hiker: PLEASE DO SOMETHING!

Batman: And, of course, there is the rather awkward reality that some sort of physical contact is all but required in this sort of situation.  I want to make it perfectly clear that I would be using only the physical means necessary to effectuate your rescue.  I can assure you, Miss, that I would not be receiving any sexual gratification from the aforementioned contact.  I would further offer that, although you are wearing shorts and a rather form-fitting top, I respect your choice to dress how you choose and acknowledge that, regardless of your clothing selections, you have every right to expect respect and...

Hiker: AIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! (Splat!)

Coming this month: Batman.  Only on the Lifetime Network.

Yeah, that was silly.  But how much are you paying me?

That's right.  You just sit there and be amused.  Let's not develop a sense of entitlement, what say?

The first story in this 52 page for a dime extravaganza was a trial wherein the court examined the fitness of Bruce Wayne to continue as Guardian for Dick Grayson.  Not that they know the half of the child-endangerment situations Bruce Wayne put that kid in.


And do you meet anonymous strangers in the dead of night often, Mr. Wayne?

You'd be surprised.


What?  Objection, Your Honor, to counsel's snide editorializing of Mr. Wayne's testimony!

Geez, I guess billionaire Bruce Wayne can't afford aggressive legal representation.



Yes, it's very sad, Dick.

But, Bruce!  You could adopt me!  That way, a Guardianship (which is temporary by design) would be moot!  We would have the same rights to each other as we would as if you were my biological father.

Yes, it's very sad, Dick.  If only there was something we could do.

Bruce? Didn't you hear what I just said?

Very sad, Dick.  Very sad.

I guess I'm just in a silly mood today.  The changing of the seasons does that to me.

Hey!  It's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):


That's what SHE said!

Yeah, I know.  You're wondering why you kept scrolling down today.  I have no good answers for you.

But before we go, let's take a look at this last panel of that particular story:



Uh-huh.  And not five pages earlier:



Did you notice that in the flashback, Bruce and Dick are eating roast again?  Those guys must really like roast.  If they aren't having breakfast, you'll almost always see them eating roasts.  Don't make me prove it.

Anyway, security at Stately Wayne Manor clearly ain't much.  Even though no one knows he's Batman, there's always that whole "billionaire" thing that may necessitate a few measures that might discourage people from peering at you through your dining room window.  And you certainly wouldn't want to just drape things like Batman cowls in a chair like that.

Then again, I'm not a rich guy, so what do I know?  Maybe that's just how rich folks do.

See you tomorrow!



Monday, October 20, 2014

Caramba!

And then there was Batman #56, which had the first appearance of....


the Bat-Hombre!

It's the mostacho that makes it for me.

With the first appearance of Toto, the Sadistic Parrot:


I would buy the heck out of a Toto, the Sadistic Parrot comic.  I can't lie.

Finally, Hey!  It's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)


Indeed it does.  Indeed it does.

See you tomorrow!

Friday, October 17, 2014

WHERE ARE MY LEGS?

Let's end the week with this Moment of Comic Book Greatness from Batman #53:


It led to this equally awesome bit of dialogue:


This has been a CMNS Moment.... of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

And an equally awesome moment from Captain America Comics #17:


Who gives you Captain America fighting a gorilla?  CMNS.  You're welcome.

Hey!  It's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue/Artwork! (tm!):


I don't know what the mistake was... but if the payment was what it looks like the payment was, it must have been a doozy!

And yes, it's the angle of it that makes it look like they had just had intimate relations to me.  If I didn't have an immature sense of humor, this blog would be just one blank post after another.

See you Monday!

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Pit Pat, Pit Pat, He Just Keeps Pattering Byyyyyyy...

And now, one of my favorite features at CMNS, courtesy of Batman #51, the CMNS Saga in Three Panels! (tm!)




For some reason, it made me think of this:



Again, sorry for the earworm.

See you tomorrow!