Thursday, January 7, 2016

Not a Hoax! Not a Dream! Not an Imaginary Story! The Death of a Blog!


Dear Ones, I'm afraid I'm finished with the blog for now.  It's hard for me to do, considering more of you have been visiting me than ever.  But I just don't have the time or the energy to continue.  I've risen from the ashes before, so you never know.  But for now, just let me once again say thank you to everyone for stopping by.

All the best,

Adam

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

A Bull That... Oh, I'm Not Going Spoil It. You'll Thank Me.


It's Superman #278!  And it's awesome!  Guess why!


That's right!  It's the return of Terra-Man!  Who else could draw six guns?


Yup!  Even Superman recognizes the awesomeness!


He ain't kidding.  Wait for it.


Wait for it!


Yup!  Terra-Man came up with a bull that grows a second head out of its butt!


I repeat: A BULL THAT GREW A SECOND HEAD OUT OF ITS BUTT!

I just don't think things will get any better than that today.

See you tomorrow! 

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Superman vs. Captain Not-Quite-Marvel!


You had better believe I bought this the first chance I got:


And, as we all know, it was indeed not the story "we thought they'd never dare print."  Because even five year-old Adam saw that the emblem on the guy in the red suit wasn't a lightning bolt.  But I was still all over it because it was the closest thing I had seen to an honest-to-goodness Superman vs. Captain Marvel fight.

The revival of Captain Marvel at DC Comics had already been going on for a couple of years, but Cap and the rest of the Marvel Family were firmly entrenched on Earth-S.  Cap and Superman would eventually meet in the pages of Justice League of America, but that was still a couple of years off.

So, we're left with Superman fighting Captain Thunder, who has the same powers but a different origin and instead of just saying a magic word, he has to rub his belt buckle at the same time?

How did the fight go?  SPOILER ALERT: Superman cheats.


You'll rarely see a situation where anyone, including Superman, can fight Captain Marvel without resorting to changing him back to his alter ego.  Which means that, in a straight fight, very few people (including Thor) have actually taken out Cap without him changing back to Billy Batson or otherwise holding back.

Yeah, I said it.

Also, am I the only one who thinks that "rubbing a belt buckle" is perverse?

And now, another installment of What DOES Intern Freddy do during his off hours? (tm!)



This has been another installment of What DOES Intern Freddy do during his off hours? (tm!)

And let us end the day with some Shenanigans! (tm!) 


I'm not calling Lois Lane a liar, but I need to see that pizza.  There is no way he spelled all that out in Mozzarella cheese.  I would have accepted "Help! Call police!" because that's feasible and would have gotten the job done, but the rest of that?  No sale.  Shenanigans! (tm!)

See you tomorrow!

Monday, January 4, 2016

In Which Superman Uses His Super-Butt to Save Ours


And we're back!  Let's kick 2016 off right with a look at Superman #274:


I remember seeing this cover in a house ad somewhere and it certainly caught my eye.  But (SPOILER ALERT!) after reading the story, I'm not sure what Superman expected me to do about any of this.

So, these are our bad guys:


and the "super-secret weapons from all over the world" all coincidentally had sports themes.

I'm not kidding.

Football guys:


Tennis guys:



Baseball guys:


Basketball guys:


I presume they're throwing everything they have against Superman, and I don't see one weapon that doesn't appear to have been stolen from a Dick's Sporting Goods warehouse in Duluth.  Maybe they're figuring Supes would be doubled over with laughter and might faint or something.

Anyhoo:


Okay, I'll admit that's a problem.

Here's the solution:


Yes, Superman is blocking the wormhole that threatens all of existence with his butt.

AWESOME!

Then they oversell it:


If I were there, I'm not saying I would discount the relief I'd feel if he saved the planet and all that.  But I don't think I'd be inclined to kneel or "cry in his presence."  That would just be a bit much.  I might, out of sheer gratitude, resist the urge to ask him if it tickled his bum... like in a really good way.  You know what I mean?  I think holstering my snark is a dang good gesture on my part, considering how rarely I'm able to do it.

In any event, if there's a lot of suction going on and Superman expects me to block it with my bum, well... I'm not saying yes, but I'm sure not saying no.  Just being candid, folks.

See you tomorrow!


Thursday, December 31, 2015

In Which Superman Decides He Has the Authority to Give Other People Orders


It's the end of another awesome year!  No post tomorrow, but we'll be back on Monday, January 4th.  Sound good?

  The state of the blog be this: The blog easily topped 100,000 visits last year, which isn't half bad.  We get a lot more visitors when we stick with big name acts than, say, Neon the Unknown, but to me "funny be funny" no matter what, so who knows what we'll be checking out in 2016?

As to movies and whatnot, Avengers: Age of Ultron and Ant-Man were awesome.  In fact, this was just a year for really great movies and I couldn't begin to list them all.  TV was fantastic with Agent Carter, Gotham, The Flash, iZombie and Arrow even managed to bounce back after a dreadful third season.  I don't have Netflix, so I've yet to see Daredevil, but I've heard awesome things and once it hits DVD release, I'll be all over it.

So lets finish with Superman #273, where we meet.... I don't remember his name.  But here he is:



Welcome to the Super-Hero Club and farewell to any hope that you will ever know the touch of a woman.

Seriously, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: If you're going to get a third eye, there is no point whatsoever in putting it in the middle of your forehead near the eyes you already have.  Stick it on your index finger so you can use the thing like a periscope.

Here's Perry White getting all profound:



Yeah, people who suddenly get super-powers just go all kinds of corrupt.

Like the Flash.

And Animal Man.

And the Atom.

And Atom Smasher.

And Beast Boy.

And Black Canary.

And Captain Marvel.

(Seriously... I could do this all day.  I'm doing it in alphabetical order just to be really impressive.)

And Cyborg.

And the Elongated Man.

And Firestorm.

And the entire Green Lantern Corps.

And Metamorpho.

And Plastic Man.

I could keep going, but you get the idea.

Yeah, I know a character sometimes goes off the rails, but that was really a sweeping generalization.  If you're going to get all judgmental in the guise of being profound, at least have your facts straight.  You should know all about the need to have your facts straight, Perry White... considering your career in journalism.

Anyway, the guy is really powerful and we can't have that, considering it's a Superman comic and all:



Okay, pay attention to what Superman just said there, because I'm going to get all lawyerly on you in a second.





Okay, you just said he needed to limit his activities until the fallout could be controlled.  He just showed you he could control it.  Why must you stop him?

Well, we know the real reason by now: Superman won't tolerate anyone having powers that compare to his.  I just want to know if Supes has any intellectual honesty.

He doesn't.  Here he is giving this guy a power-castration:


Okay, if the eye could just go flying off the guy's head as the result of a sudden stop, why didn't Superman just snatch it off the guy's forehead at super-speed?  He must be one of those people who just has to make things harder than they need to be.

Anyway, have a safe holiday!  This time last year, Beloved got knocked unconscious when she was plowed into by an uninsured motorist (giving us a chance to ring in the new year from the emergency room), so be extra careful until the holiday is over.

See you Monday!

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

In Which Superman Gets Served by a Smack-Talkin' Brainiac. Plus: Patrolman Mike!


Let's take a look at Superman #270 for another episode of Cops: Metropolis



If they ever give Patrolman Mike his own series, I'm going to subscribe.  You're packing a flaming sword?  He doesn't care.  You can smash through concrete?  That's not even worth taking his taser out of the holster.  Don't cross Patrolman Mike.

Onto the next issue, we see Superman fighting Brainiac:


I had started to use The Google on calling someone "Old Cigarette Smoke" to see if that was ever a thing, but then I read this:



Apparently, the plan is indeed for Brainiac to call Superham nonsense names all day.  Thusly:






So, why was he doing this?  It was never explained.  And I'm starting to see a pattern in this era of Superman: They don't explain nothin'.  How does a power work?  You're on a need to know basis and you don't need to know.  What happened to a subplot that just disappears for no reason?  Don't worry your pretty little head about it.  Stuff just kinda happens in this run of Superman, and you just kind of have to roll with it.

It should bother the heck out of me.  I don't know what it doesn't.

See you tomorrow!

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

In Which Superman is Busy Being Murdered


Superman #269 gives us more of the rivalry between Steve Lombardi and Clark Kent.  And it doesn't exactly bring out the best in Clark.  Thusly:



Yes.  Clark violently knocked Steve unconscious to he could go off and be Superman.  Sure, he could have done something less brutal but... you know, Steve insults Clark's manhood so anything goes.  That's just basic Bro Code, folks.

But this is disturbing:


Lady, if you're going to vamp on a guy while wearing a mini-skirt, could you maybe leave your elderly mother and small daughter at home?  I'm all in favor of women asserting themselves, but you can see that little girl is already picking up some... techniques... that you may not want your small daughter to have.  I'm not sure if I should be calling Child Protective Services or To Catch a Predator.

Anyway, Superman loses his powers yet again.  To this guy:


Yeah.  Barnum put Superman's powers into puppets so they could put their powers into Barnum.  How?  No one's talkin'.  But this was some awesome dialogue:




You are about to become too busy... too busy being murdered!

Yeah, that's a great one.  The only thing that was missing was a twirling of the mustache as he said it.

Anyway, Superman cheats or something and it really doesn't solve anything because Barnum doesn't lose the whole "stealing powers" thing.  So, Barnum could start the whole process over after a good night sleep and a balanced breakfast.  But apparently Barnum would rather just stew in prison for a while because that's what happens.

Yeesh.

See you tomorrow!