Egad! A Burglar! And I'm Fresh Out of Scones!

Sorry I missed Friday's post, folks.  Things have been very busy work-wise.  If I can get through this week, I hope to turn a corner and get everything back to normal.

But enough of that.  Did you know that Spy Smasher was a very popular comic book character once upon a time?  "No," you might say, "I don't believe you.  You're a dirty liar!  Why must you lie!??"

But it's true.  Spy Smasher was so popular in Captain Marvel's Whiz Comics that he got his own spin-off book.  And like the good Captain, who is in every way better than Superham, Spy Smasher got some live-action adaptation.  Thusly:

So, I'm taking a look at Spy Smasher #1.  It's public domain, so you can read it for yourself if you like. I don't particularly recommend it, but there you have it.

So, anyway, I'd like to officially announce a new CMNS meme I like to call

...And There It Is. (tm!)

Okay, he's in his own apartment.  Got that?

Egad!  There's an intruder in your apartment!  What do you do?

Why, you engage in proper social graces, of course:

Really?  You're the victim of a home invasion and this is your response?

Oh, I see.  So if it's a hot chick, we overlook that whole "felony" thing.  Probably not too smart, because if she broke into your own home to confront you, she's probably gonna...

...And There It Is. (tm!)

Meanwhile, our hero saves the President of the United States from harm:

At least, we think so.  I mean, it's just the guy's hand.  Anyway, the President poses the inevitable question:

Which once again brings me to the whole lackluster disguise issue.  I suppose his disguise is better than the Phantom Lady's, but seriously.  Look at this:

You can see his entire face.  I mean, that's Golden Age Starman level of ineffective identity concealment.  And unlike Starman, he's got these goggles that might provide some level of disguise, but he's too lazy to pull them down.  It's amazing to me how many Golden Age heroes waltzed around without any face coverage whatsoever.

But you know what Spy Smasher couldn't do?  Fly.

What?

Okay, first.... it's spelled "grammar."  Heal thyself.

Secondly, SPY SMASHER CAN'T FLY!  WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?

Now my head hurts.  

Anyway, I can't promise the frequency of posts this week, folks.  Work is just going to be rough.  Please think good thoughts, and I'll update when I can.

See you soon!

Hey, Kids! Order Yourself a Dangerous Weapon! It'll Be FUN!

And now, courtesy of Phantom Lady #2 (whatever volume it is), I give you 

What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (tm!)

Inside the front cover, your average comic-reading child can order this:

"Packs a Terrific Wallop!"

This has been another installment of What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (tm!)

And, as every man could have guessed, Don was mysteriously poisoned shortly thereafter when Sandra made him "a special dinner."  Sandra sent Mimi his regards, as he did not live to see the weekend.

Well, I'm no driving instructor, but "expert driver" Sandra probably shouldn't be using her left foot in a car with an automatic transmission.

Maybe because he didn't avert his eyes like a gentleman when you attacked him as Phantom Lady?

No one has ever come that close to identifying her?  Then the woman hangs out with absolute cretins, because she has the most nonexistent disguise in comicdom.  Getting attacked by her would be like getting an obscene phone call from Homer Simpson.  There's just not a lot of mystery there.

Ugh.  I'm going to try and order myself a bullwhip.  See you tomorrow!

Duck, Ladies! A Man's Coming In!

Sorry about the missed post yesterday.  Let's have some fun courtesy of Pep Comics #10:

Betty did not share JuJu's fondness for Larry Flynt Publications...

Meanwhile, from the CMNS Department of Odd Metaphors! (tm!):

Yeah!  And that will make a fine Bearnaise Sauce for this asparagus spear!

Or something.

Hey!  It's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

You know, I just can't help but think he was looking for an excuse.

And now, a CMNS Moment of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

This has been a CMNS Moment of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

Oh, if I only had a nickel for every time I've said that!

See you tomorrow!

A White Feather Means DEATH! (or that a bird nearby is molting)

 So I'm perusing Captain Video #4, and I come upon this little caption describing our hero:

What?

Master of time and space?

I thought it was a little puffery.  Then I noticed the following:

Captain Video can apparently bench press a jeep

and

Captain Video can talk underwater.  Although he probably shouldn't, if he's letting his enemies know when he's weakening.

But here's the thing that makes me think that the good Captain was all bluster.  Observe:

Okay, so the guy tried to sucker punch him.  Got it?  Read on:

Okay.... so far, so good:

Waitasec... blindfold?

Mind you, Captain Video just agreed to be blindfolded by a guy who just tried to...

... and there it is.

Oy.

See you tomorrow!

These Explosives are Dangerous! YOU Keep 'Em!

A bit of questionable strategy from Superman Family #167, courtesy of contributor Robert Gillis!

Basically, the upshot is that Superboy went on a mission with all his robots but one.  Pete Ross manages to break it, which is either a testament to his clumsiness or the shoddy workmanship of the robot.  Anyhoo, Pete realizes he must replace said robot.  Thusly:

I'm not sure why there's nothing else to do with an excess supply of explosives, but then again, I've never had an excess supply of explosives.

But I wouldn't do this with them, either:

Yes, Pete stores them in the Kent house.  Because Ma and Pa Kent will be perfectly safe with explosives "much too dangerous to keep around" up in their attic.  What could possibly go wrong?

Good one, Robert!  Thanks again!

Here's an interesting house ad:

Pathos?  Really?  So are you supposed to put on a Smiths album while you read it?  That's an odd selling feature.

But here's an even more unusual marketing technique:

Coupons?  Really?

So you know I had to find out exactly what those coupons were for.  And here they are:

Yeah, as a small child, nothing would seal the deal for me like a coupon for rug shampoo or Blistik.  I'm not even sure the NuGrape soda ad is for soda.  The fact that the coupons were still in the comic 60 years after publication leads me to believe that particular campaign didn't sell a lot of comics.

See you Monday!

ICE DEFIES IDENTIFICATION

 Continuing my looksee through Pep Comics #9, I came upon this little bit of truth:

Well, they've got me there.

Hey!  It's time for some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

Boy, we've all been there, haven't we?

No?

Oh... never mind.

Look over here!  It's a CMNS MOMENT OF COMIC BOOK GREATNESS! (tm!):

Lesson over.

This has been a CMNS MOMENT OF COMIC BOOK GREATNESS! (tm!)

And just when I think I've found the greatest one ever, I find yet another perfectly amazing bit of Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

Wow... Just, wow.

See you tomorrow!

I'm Not Supposed to Leave the Punch Bowl... But You Look So Pretty!

Going back to Pep Comics #9, I thought I'd do a little cut-and-paste to make the rest of "The Midshipman" story much more entertaining, worthy of an Edited Moment of Comic Book Greatness (tm!) :

I promise you it was much more entertaining to have Lee win the election for his awesomeness in livening up what was otherwise a very dull social event.

In the interest of full disclosure, though, it wasn't Lee:

Dames Is Trouble! (tm!)

And shouldn't Lee have been shot for abandoning his post?  I thought they took a dim view of that sort of thing in the military.

What's the idea, indeed!

See you tomorrow!