Thursday, December 18, 2014

That Time Captain America Battled a Giant Cockroach

From Golden Age Captain America #25:


Yup.  That's Cap beating up a giant cockroach.  And he apparently needed help.  Not exactly one of his better moments.

But here's a great moment of Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)


HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAA!

That was a good one, if I do say so myself.

Meanwhile:


Although he answered his country's call to duty, Captain America could never forget his first love: Geography.

The Golden Age "Human" Torch always confused me.  First, and foremost, he's not "human."  He's actually an android.  So it always confused me a bit when he would do things like eat and sleep.  The nerdlinger in me has always been willing to chalk it up to "eating to fit in" and "sleep is a way to recharge his batteries" and "getting knocked out means he went offline" or something.

But this absolutely stymies me:



This is a guy who bursts into flames on a regular basis.  Why is fire causing him pain?

I don't get it.  Someone explain that away somehow, because it's going to grind my gears until... well, not for long, obviously.  I do have other things in my life to worry about.  But still.

See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Penny and Don and Edith and Lew... and the Comics Make No Sense Dancers! (tm!)

Because NO ONE demanded it, we have the rest of my Boy Meets Girl Comics #3.  Let's check in on Penny and Don.:



Oh, did I mention this is a true story and they are on their honeymoon?



  

Wow.  I wonder how long that marriage lasted?  I suspect Penny finally went off the deep end and served Don roasted whip-poor-will one Thanksgiving.

Hey!  It's time for the Comics Make No Sense Dancers (tm!)


That was great, kids!  We'll see more of them, for sure!

Hey, let's check in on Edith and Lew!


But Lew has a dark side:



In Lew's defense, she had no business smiling like that when she gave him the salt, especially after Lew gave her a whole truckload of flowers.

Hey!  Here's a romance quiz for you:


I'm not sure what the right answer is!  I'm going with (A) because it's direct.  (B) is all passive-aggressive and .... well, so is (C), depending on the tone of voice she uses.

Hey!  Remember we were talking about the "Approved by the Comics Code" thing on the cover of this title?  Here's the explanation:


Hmmmmm.... so it's actually approved by a Comics Code.... not the Comics Code.  Those sly romance comics people.

See you tomorrow!

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

How to Be Popular, Agnes-Style!

Sometimes, you just need the "shootin' fish in a barrel" silliness of Boy Meets Girl comics, so let's check out issue #3!


I didn't just put the last line in by itself as a Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!) because... well... you know.

Here's some advice from Agnes on how to manage high school:


Well played, Agnes... well played.


I fell asleep happy... next to my super-creepy clown doll.


Again, that's another one where I could have just taken the dialogue and gone with the Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!) (saying something along the lines of "no, that means you're doing it right!  Are you with me, fellas?"), and it would have been a classic.  But I admit I was distracted by the song on the radio.  Here it is:


In retrospect, I should have just gone with the dialogue, shouldn't I?

Oh, well.  Check out Lucy Thomas!


I think Lucy looks like the kind of gal who "gets her man and holds him" with violence and psychological torment.  Don't cross, Lucy, fellas.  She'll wreck you.  But I'm totally looking forward to seeing what kind of love advice she gives.

See you tomorrow!

Monday, December 15, 2014

Batman vs. Clocks and Moths

Early warning: Next week is a holiday week, so let's get some giggles while we can.  Today, it's courtesy of Batman #141:


"Take it back to the Bat-cave and see what develops"?



Maybe I'm oversimplifying things, but why didn't they just move the hands of the clock and "see what developed" a whole lot sooner?  My grandmother had a cuckoo clock and we'd get her to move the hands forward on that thing all the time so we could see the cuckoo.  It's a pretty sad day when Batman would rather sit around and look at a clock and wait for a clue to be handed to him than to actually show some initiative.

Not that the crooks were any smarter:


A small helicopter as a getaway vehicle is pretty dang smart... but you probably shouldn't park it right next to the giant swinging golf club.

Oh, and if you're wanting to see the Clockmaster, here you go:


Get a good look, because that was his only appearance.  Kind of like the Moth:


Looking at this guy, I think that four heroes jumping him is overkill.  No, this isn't the same Killer Moth who would later appear.  This guy is just "The Moth."  And you know how dangerous moths are... if you're made entirely of wool.



Not surprising, but pretty disgraceful. If you get taken out by the original Batgirl, you're going to be the laughing stock of Blackgate Prison.  Count on it.

And that costume is ridiculous.  Off to the Costume Hall of Shame (tm!) with you, The Moth!

See you tomorrow!

Friday, December 12, 2014

Batman as an Alien. You're Welcome.

You'd think that a story about Batman being haunted by Joker's ghost would be the highlight of Batman #140.

Normally, yes.

But not when:


Yeah!  Batman and Robin become aliens! Awesome!

There's a story behind it, but who cares?  I think it had something to do with compensating for fighting the most poorly-named gang ever:


Guess what these guys are called?

Are you ready?

The Yellow Sweater Gang.

I kid you not.  I presume that during the holidays, they become the Hideous Christmas Sweater Gang.

But don't focus on that.  Focus on this!:


Robin's little green legs are extra hilarious.  Apropos of nothing, I tried frogs legs for the first time a couple of years ago.  They tasted like a stagnant lake.  Not my bag.  I don't know why Robin's legs reminded me of that.

Anyhoo:


You know, I think they should stay aliens.  It would give the series a whole My Favorite Martian slant.  I smell the next major DC summer crossover: Your favorite DC characters are now aliens!  It can't be any worse than Millenium.

Check this out from the back cover:


I was skeptical that this thing would pick up radio signals from 50 miles away.  My car stereo today doesn't do that.  Then again, I looked up what a Germanium diode is to see if it would really work for years without electricity or batteries and... well, son of gun.  So, maybe the thing did work like they said.  I've got to get my hands on one of those things.  Why aren't we using Germanium diodes all the time?

We learned something today, folks.  You may now enjoy your weekend.

See you Monday!

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Batman vs. Mechanical Sharks, Octopi, and Trademark Infringers

My lovelies, I'm afraid there won't be a post tomorrow, but I'll see you again on Friday, okay?

Meanwhile, am I the only one who found it disturbing that CBS chose to air a Victoria's Secret special the same night as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

Anyway.

I was taking a look at Batman #139, which most people will tell you was noteworthy primarily for the first appearance of the Silver Age Batgirl.  But there was oh-so-much more than that.  Thusly:


Yup!  It's the first appearance of the Blue Bowman!

What made him interesting is that someone bothered to take a previous villain (Phil Cobb, the Signalman, had appeared twice in the previous year or so) and stick him in a new identity with different gimmicks.  You hadn't seen too much of that sort of thing up to that point.

Anyway, check him out:


Did you catch that episode of Arrow where Oliver used an improvised boxing glove arrow?  I had to explain to Beloved why that was so incredibly awesome (once I finished squealing like a four year-old child).


And I know what you're thinking: Green Arrow should be suing this guy.  And you'd be right.  Thusly:


It's kind of wild that they came up with a Green Arrow clone to fight Bats, but it wasn't meant to be: That was the one and only appearance of the Blue Bowman.  Phil Cobb wouldn't appear again for 15 years (I guess you do more hard time in comics when you rip off a hero's gimmick) and it would be once again as the Signalman.

Meanwhile, here are Batman and Robin fighting a mechanical shark:


Hmmmmm... yeah, they lost that one.  All they could do was swim for shore and stay away from it.  Note to Self: Batman cannot defeat a mechanical shark.

Here are Batman and Robin fighting a big octopus:


Or not....


Hmmmmm...  There are a lot of non-events in that story.  I get that way sometimes when I'm playing a video game: If it goes on too long, I just run past everyone as much as possible to get to the end.  The artist probably got the script and said, "Maybe I could just show them avoiding these things.  That would be a lot easier to draw!"  But I didn't pay 12 cents to watch heroes avoiding danger, folks.  Someone owes me a scene of Batman fighting an octopus.

See you Friday!  

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Batman vs. Simple Simon. Yeah, It Happened.


CMNS is a relationship of sorts.  I put stuff online and presume that you're someone who has probably been following for a while (or at least reads all the old posts to catch up with all of our inside jokes).  So, I feel at liberty to point out things and know that you'll understand my thought process.

For example, here's a bit of trivia from Batman #138.  You're getting in on the ground floor here, and it's important that you take note because I'll be referring back to it often.

What am I talking about?  Well, just watch it happen:






What's the solution?  Isn't it obvious?


Batman has a fully-functioning robot! (tm!)

I want to remember this, because I'm going to be referring to this little bit of information often from this day forward.

But I'm not sure any of us can forget this:


Yes, I'm afraid Simple Simon is indeed a Batman villain.  Whether we like it or not, he's part of Batman lore so the sooner we swallow that bitter little pill, the quicker we can move on.

Anyway:


That was the highlight.  Yes, Batman riding a bull is the highlight of the story.  Because you're only as good as your enemies, my friends.




Wow.  Just... wow.  That wasn't even fun.  It's just a poorly-dressed man who decided to be as predictable as possible by planning his crimes around easily-researched nursery rhymes.  And, all things considered, you'd think he would have avoided ice at all costs.

Maybe he was hoping to get caught so he could get free dental work in prison.  I don't know, I'm trying to make this work somehow.  It's not happening.

Eeesh!  See you tomorrow!